It Was My Fault
by J.C.Hutchins
Summary: Another sad thing from Sirius' point of view on the night Lily and James were killed. It's not an especially original idea and I know it but, i like it to, so please r&r!


URRRRG…. must kill muse! Why is it that my muse can't come up with anything nice for me to write about, as soon as I start a nice happy story it either turns into a stupid attempt at comedy-see Sneverous Sape, or it comes out all sad and depressing-see Just For You, would you believe THAT was supposed to be a happy love story! Or it pulls one like this where I just get writers block and can't think of anything to write on my ongoing story and instead am forced to write a sad Lily/James etc. fic! Urg my life!  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing except my mind, and I'm currently having to figh tmy muse for that! All credit for the wonderful world portrayed here goes to the creative genius J.K.Rowling, who created it all!   
  
A/N: As you can tell this is yet another one of my depressing stories! It's not a new idea; it's been done before but I DON'T GIVE TWO HOOTS (hoo-hoo, never mind inside joke). It's kinda a Sirius on the night Lily and James are killed thing, you've seen it before and now you're seeing it again! Please review, even if it is to flame!  
  
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Sirius walked up to the hidden door prepared to mutter the password but was surprised to find it already open. Something was wrong! "Oh GOD they've got Wormtail, he's not one to stand up to torture he'll tell!" Thought Sirius as he walked through the door in a daze, maybe he was wrong maybe Peter was still here somewhere, he had to check. He looked all around the small space, and didn't see anything no Peter AND no signs of a struggling Peter who was being taken by Death-Eaters. Something was defiantly wrong, but Peter couldn't be, it simply wasn't possible that he was… "OH MY GOD! I've got to warn Lily and James! He's the one not Moony! GOD NO!" Sirius thought to himself as he streaked out of the house toward his motorbike parked out on the lawn. He jumped on it and urged it to go as fast as possible up into the sky and toward Godric's Hollow. He couldn't be to late! He had to save James! After all those times James had gotten him out of trouble he would certainly be able to make it in time. "Come on you stupid bike go faster!" Sirius roared as he flew high over a muggle village. Now he saw it coming up Godric's Hollow, he would be there any minute now, just in time to warn them and help them to safety just like James would have done for him! It was going to be ok, probably he'd just over reacted anyway, maybe Peter had just gone out, and the Potters would be just sitting down to a meal and they could all laugh at how stupid Sirius had been to think anything could be wrong! But that wasn't what Sirius saw as he flew lower, he saw a rubble where the Potter home should have been, no welcoming light and Lily in her bare feet to welcome him, no James to laugh and joke with, no Harry to play with! None of that EVER AGAIN! "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Please no! Not Them I can't be to late!" Sirius shouted, "but I am! Oh God I'm sorry James I've failed you!" He whispered when he walked up to where to door should have been! He'd been so stupid to trust that little rat, Pettigrew, he knew now that his worst fear had come true, Peter Pettigrew had betrayed the Potters! Slowly Sirius walked into the rubble thinking of how the house had been, to his left should have been the living room he went that way and saw James' body, lying on the floor, he didn't look terrified like most people you saw that Voldemort had killed, but rather he looked determined, and maybe a bit frightened, but mostly determined, he'd know he was about to die, and been prepared, somewhat. Now looking at the scene Sirius knew what had happened, Voldemort had blasted the door and James had realized what was happening, he must have sent Lily with Harry to try and get away, while he tried to take on Voldemort himself! "James, you died a hero's death, fighting to save your family, but there was no way you could have beaten Voldemort! I'm sorry I was too late, and more so I'm sorry I ever suggested using Peter rather than myself as secret-keeper. You were my best friend and I failed you, I as good as killed you, I'm so sorry!" Sirius whispered as he leaned over his friend's body to bid him farewell. "Wait, if I'm right them there's still a chance Lily escaped with Harry, I've got to check." Sirius muttered to himself in as close to excitement as he'd gotten all evening, he knew it was a long shot but maybe, just maybe…. He stood up and walked through where the door to the hall would have been, then he turned left toward the kitchen and the back door, Lily would have gone this way knowing she could escape. He walked in and looked around, at first he didn't see anything, his hopes soared again, "maybe…" but then he saw near the stove, under the book shelf with all Lily's cookbooks, a hand. "No, not Lily and Harry too he thought, it can't be! It's just to bloody much!" He walked closer and shifted the book case over she was lying on her stomach, her long red hair fanned out all around her, mingling with her blood…again he leaned over a dear friend and cried, tears of grief, tears of sorrow, tears of regret but now mostly tears of anger! How could Pettigrew have done this! It had always been James who stood up for him when he was teased, he hadn't deserved James as a friend, at that no one had. "Harry must be near by," thought Sirius, looking around, "I don't know that I want to see him, but I have to I suppose just to prove to myself it's real, but it can't be real!" Sirius heard a small noise, like a distressed animal almost coming from a few feet away, "Don't get your hopes up!" he warned himself "it's probably just a stray cat or something, but I have to check!" He walked toward the noise and moved a stray bit of Lily's pretty flowered curtains…he remembered how proud she'd been of them, and how disgusted James had acted, he also remembered James telling him in secret how pretty he thought they were!…The memories made him want to cry all over again, but he wouldn't, or may be he couldn't he'd already cried himself dry. Under the curtain wasn't a frightened stray as he'd expected but rather HARRY! Alive and starting to squall for his mother. But it couldn't be, Voldemort had killed some of the greatest witches and wizards of the age, he'd killed the Potters, so how had he been unable to kill a one-year-old baby? Then Sirius looked at him and saw the cut down his forehead, and understood, Lily had always been so good at charms, she had put some sort of old charm on him to keep him safe, he should have know. Of course the charm required a powerful amount of love behind it, but if anyone had enough love for it Lily did. He remembered Lily as she'd looked when he first met her, on the Hogwarts Express, looking immensely annoyed as he and James had just used the nose sparks charm on her, causing sparks to shoot out of her nose, they had been highly amused, she hadn't…. The memory faded out and he focused on Harry again, he picked him up and rocked him, just as he'd done last Saturday when he'd come to visit. As he looked at the small face looking at him so innocently he found enough tears to cry again, this time for Harry who would never know his parents the best people Sirius had ever know. Then he remembered what James has said the last time they'd talked, "You're Harry's godfather, that means, among other things, that if anything happens to Lily and I you're his legal guardian, make sure my wishes get carried out if anything happens to us." Sirius had laughed then, telling James that nothing would happen to him and Lily until Harry was grown up and well able to take care of himself, but James had made him promise. "Oh God, he must have known, somehow that Peter would betray them, he wouldn't have been so adamant otherwise!" the thought came to Sirius and was as much of a surprise to him as it would have been to anyone else. He turned to take Harry to his bike, he would take him home, get him out of there before any muggles showed up and started prowling the scene. As he turned he ran into something, or more to the point someone, it was Hagrid! "Hullo Hagrid, so you've heard, I've already looked round Harry is all that's left! I'm his godfather I'll take him home and care for him, we'll manage." Said Sirius, he said it all in a rush though as he was trying not to cry. "Look, I'm sorry Sirius, but I got me orders from Dumbledore, I'm to take Harry to him straight away, beat me how he knew Harry'd survive but he did." Hagrid said. "No, you can't I mean he's all that's left, I've already failed them enough, I promised, I'm his godfather, it's my job." Said Sirius in panic; breaking down at the end he simply couldn't hold back the tears anymore. "I'm sorry Sirius but I've got to do it," said Hagrid, trying to be comforting as he gently lifted Harry away from Sirius. "Yes alright, here take my bike, I won't need it anymore anyway…" said Sirius in despair, 'course I won't need the ruddy thing he thought to himself, It couldn't even get me here fast enough to save Lily and James. Then he turned and walked away. When he reached the woods at the edge of the property Sirius transformed and began to run. He had to get to Reamus in time to warn him that Pettigrew was the traitor and apologize for suspecting him. Suddenly amid all the sorrow another highly unwelcome thought hit him, nobody but James, Lily, and himself had known about the switch! That meant that when everybody found out, they would think that he, Sirius, was the traitor! He picked up speed; he HAD to get to Mooney before Pettigrew did! It was coming up on dawn now, he could see the streaks of red in the sky from the rising sun, he ignored it and kept running, the next time he looked he could see that the sun had risen and was bright red, he remembered the old sailors rhyme his mother used to sing every time the sun was red, "Red in the morning, sailors take warning, red at the nights, sailors delight." Lovely he thought, now a storm will be coming too. Then he thought again to the true meaning of the old rhyme, it was a true sign when the sun was red, not just a weather predictor, it meant something bad, devastating, would happen that day! The sun had shone red like that the day Voldemort's true rein of terror had begun, and also on the day Sirius' father had been killed, also, when he thought about it, it had shone red like that yesterday too! Suddenly he found himself at the edge of the wood he'd been running through, just outside of a small muggle village where a certain friend of his lived. He transformed back in to his human form and tried to tidy himself a bit, but decided it was pointless. So he began to walk through the village toward the house of Reamus Lupin. On the way he saw the one person he'd hoped never to see again…Pettigrew, even the name sounded disgusting to him when he thought it. Pettigrew saw Sirius at the same time Sirius saw him, and started advancing on him, backing him into a corner all the while shouting "LILY AND JAMES, SIRIUS HOW COULD YOU!" There were true tears in his eyes and Sirius suddenly remembered the cut on Harry's forehead, and the rest of what the charm did, beyond protect, and realized that if there had been enough human left in him to die, Voldemort was dead! Pettigrew was still screaming at Sirius, and Sirius had been backed into a corner, he raised his wand to curse Pettigrew, or at least shut him up, he knew as an Auror he had the right to kill him on sight if he was a suspected Death-Eater, but he didn't like the new power given them by Crouch and didn't use it when it could be avoided, besides Pettigrew wasn't even on the suspect list! No much as he wanted to this was not the time or place to kill the little rat. As soon as Sirius raised his wand and before he had even had time to think of a suitable curse, it didn't help that everything he thought reminded him of James, the world blew apart around him, Pettigrew's robes crumpled in front of him a finger fell on top of them and a fat little rat missing on toe turned to smirk at him before running into the sewers. As the dust cleared Sirius began get all his senses back, starting with hearing, he heard people screaming and running then he could smell the acrid smell in the air, then he could see them all running about in panic. At that moment it was all too much, now it would look as if he had killed Pettigrew, and been the traitor who had informed on the Potters, no one would believe otherwise, not the other Aurors, certainly not Crouch, and probably not even Mooney in fact the only person who might have believed him just based on his word was dead, and indirectly it was his fault! Sirius knew James would have believed him, but He, Sirius had as good as killed James the day he had suggested using Pettigrew, rather than himself, as Secret-Keeper. He started to laugh, not a laugh any of his old friends would recognize as his own fun loving laugh they heard right after a prank had been played on them, but rather a high insane laugh that went on and on. Several pops announced the arrival of ministry hit-wizards, and several Aurors, Sirius didn't care anymore, he just kept laughing. As they tied his hands and marched him away he still kept laughing, he didn't stop laughing until they got to the edge of a lake and he was thrown to the ground, suddenly he became aware of his surroundings, he was on the shore of the lake that surrounded Azkaban. He realized he wouldn't be getting a trial even, he'd just be sent in for life, life in Azkaban for a crime he didn't do! HE couldn't believe it; he could PROVE he wasn't a death-eater! All they had to do was have him show his upper left arm, it would be clear. For the trial just give him some truth serum, if they weren't sure he'd tell the truth, but no, not under Crouch's new rules he had appeared guilty and so was, as the dementors dragged him into the boat and then to his cell, he began to go over every horrible thing in his life, the worst being that in the end he had failed James, he hadn't even taken Harry like James had asked him to! When he was thrown into the cell and he hit the floor he wept one last time, for his lost friends, for Harry, for what had been the Marauders, and mostly for the shame he felt at having failed James.  
  
A/A/N: Yikes this is WAY longer than I expected! Well, anyway, tell me what you think! Please! I think it wasn't as depressing as some of my others…wait never mind! It's just as bad if not worse, I think if I get ambitious this may turn into a sort of series (You'll see what I mean when I do it!) so stay tuned for more!   



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